If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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