At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
