i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
