is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
