That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
