We need to rekindle our bromance
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
