Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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