The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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