Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
