I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
