Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
