Just fell off a train. Bad.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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