My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
