omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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