I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
