I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
