I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Bring me that man meat
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
