Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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