i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize