theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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