I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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