She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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