...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
