Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
