so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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