I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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