She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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