That's intense
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
