Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
