My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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