Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i think my tv is drunk
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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