There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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