'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
