Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
