$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
