Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
