sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
