So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
