just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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