I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
