high people should be assigned attendants
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize