just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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