Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
