I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
