i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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