I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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