worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
