Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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