it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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