So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
