exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
