just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize