The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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