Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
