I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize