You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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