Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize