Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
