strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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