Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
